Lil’ Soliders vs Snoop Dogg: A Tale of the Tape – @crappington

In Kansas the City, we listened to Lil’ Soldiers – Boot Camp.  This was one of only 3 No Limit albums I owned.  In Kansas the State, we listened to Snoop Dogg – Da Game Is To Be Sold, Not To Be Told.  One of 1000 No Limit albums that Chris Trew owned.  On the face of it, these two albums don’t seem to have a lot in common, but they have always been linked in my mind as the two novelty No Limit albums.  Now it is time to scientifically break them down and determine which is the better.

Release Date

Snoop Dogg: August 4, 1998

Lil’ Soldiers: April 27, 1999

Breakdown:  Da Game was released first and was the third album released by one of rap’s biggest names.  Boot Camp came out later and was produced by Adults who by that time had made probably 250 albums.

Winner:

The Adults should have known better.

Number of Tracks

Snoop Dogg: 21

Lil’ Soldiers: 17

Breakdown: 16 of the 21 tracks on Da Game featured other No Limit artists.  Da Game also featured two sequel tracks to more famous early Snoop songs: “Still a G Thang” and “Gin and Juice II” (wikipedia’s notes on the album says Gin and Juice II tends to be a sequel.).  Boot Camp only had 6 songs with other No Limit artists.  The also decided not to create sequels to any classic rap songs.

Winner:

For No Limit, quantity never equaled quality.  Plus, fuck you Snoop for tarnishing the memory of some of my favorite songs in your catalog.

Best Track

Snoop Dogg: Woof

Lil’ Soldiers: School on Lock

Breakdown: Woof freatured Fiend and Mystkal (two of my favorites).  The chorus was : Woof Motherfucker Woof.  Bow Wow Wow Yippie Oh Yippie Ay.  It is also the best example of how Snoops real laid back flow could contrast really well with the more aggro No Limit Rappers.  It also ends with 45 seconds of Bow Wow Wow Yippie Oh Yippie Ays while someone just mutters bitch in the background.  School on Lock doesn’t have any guests.  However it does contain what sounds like the lines: “We be gettin’ snacks while ya’ll are sayin’ jack” and “Meanwhile all the kids in my grade drink lemonade”.  The song also ends with them arguing which grade has the school on lock.  One of the Lil’ soldiers presents a pretty strong case for his grade having the school on lock because, “Our tests are harder than your’s/Our girls are bigger than your’s.”

Winner:

Seriously Snoop! Bow Wow Wow Yippie Oh Yippie Ay!  You had only made 2 albums before this.  You can’t already be out of ideas this early in the game.

Album Art Work

Snoop Dogg:

Lil’ Soldiers:

Breakdown: Da Game is Pen and Pixel art at its best.  Snoop sitting on a throne in front of a giant mansion with his name on it!  Seriously look at that mansion.  It has a rotunda as the entrance.  He also has 2 dogs.  One is clearly a danger because he has to be muzzled even sitting in the front yard, but Snoop rolls so deep even that muzzle is diamond studded.  These things are the definition of having fat stacks.  Boot Camp has a cool action figure/toy theme going on.  I love the bad ass dollar store dinosaur that is trying to take a bite out of the soldiers.  Good thing that Soldier has a nerf sucker dart to defend himself!

Winner:

Seriously, look at that damn thing. He has a diamond studded cane made of gold!

Wikipedia Article Word Count

Snoop Dogg: 994

Lil’ Soldiers: 202

Breakdown.  Everything comes down to the final category and this one is a straight numbers game.  The Snoop article is way more in depth.  You can learn who produced each track, who wrote each track, or which songs were singles.  The Lil’ Soldiers article just has a brief history of how the soldiers released this one album and then disappeared and a track list.  You can also find out that Boot Camp hit 80 on the Billboard R&B chart.  Pretty good for some kids.

Winner:

Seriously no one should spend 1000 words on Da Game.  It is the shittiest album. The album marked the decline of No Limit and the tarnishing of one of raps early greats (Also, thanks Snoop for taking a dump on all those classic hits!) .  So in a stunning 3 – 2 victory, Platinum Diamonds crowns Lil’ Soldiers – Boot Camp as the best of all the No Limit novelty albums

The Oklahoma City Redhawks via Photographs – @ChrisTrew

Oklahoma City was a blur but their ballpark was pretty good. Easily the most people we saw at a minor league on this entire trip but that could have been because it was a Friday night or because it was Fireworks night or because it was girl mascot bobblehead night. We left before the Fireworks but yeah, we got there with plenty enough time to get our girl mascot bobblehead.

I wanted Chris Carrington to take a picture with this UPS Buffalo (?) and he insisted on pretending to kick it. His eyes, however, are clearly focused on something else entirely.

Lots of history in this ballpark, perhaps most interesting of them all is this, the very first customers of the very first Dipping Dots, Ice Cream of the Future. These guys probably didn’t know they would be written about on a No Limit Records/Baseball Road Trip blog but then again they were the first consumers of  a futuristic ice cream food so maybe they did. The original Ice Cream Men, uuuggggghhh.

Pattern destroyed. This is not a bird claw even though the Redhawks are birds.

 

The one damn giveaway we scored on this whole trip. I was expecting to fill my bookshelf with toys and memorabilia from baseball parks all over the mid-west but now I just have this thing.

(Ok, I’m actually really excited about Ruby)

Oklahoma City was a lot more fun than we expected. The baseball park area was cool, fans were cool, cool.

The Five Faces of Mystikal – @crappington

On the drive between Kansas City and Wichita, we listened to Mystikal’s Unpredictable.  In honor of this solid No Limit Album, I have decided to try to do something no man has done before and predict what Mystikal is thinking based only on his facial expression. This Mystikal is thinking that he shouldn’t have had that second helping of Sweet Potatoes.  He is so full and the Lion’s are getting blown out again.  He always overdoes it on thanksgiving.

This Mystikal is thinking about how tired of hearing you talk about season 3 of the wire he is.

This Mystikal is thinking how happy he is you recognized that his Halloween costume was a penny.

This Mystikal is thinking about the plight of Ai Weiwei in China.  He doesn’t think a man’s family should be threatened because he speaks his mind.

This Mystikal is thinking that everyone is laughing at him because he has a stain on his shirt.

The Wichita Wingnuts via Photographs – @ChrisTrew

We left Kansas City late because we went to the Negro League Baseball Museum. Then we got to Wichita even latter because we stopped in Lawrence to eat food then took a wrong turn. Then we left Wichita immediately after the final out to sample Stillwater, Oklahoma nightlife. Our time with the Wichita Wingnuts was limited but it was our favorite minor league park of the trip (barely edging Memphis). Photos be coming!

Let’s get this out of the way.

This guy had a radar gun and Chris Carrington said he wants a radar gun really bad and that he would radar everything so can someone please get him a radar gun and see if he is telling the truth? Maybe just get him a broken one and see how many things he points it at?

These kids had a homerun hitting contest but the ball was on a tee and they were facing the wrong direction and to get a “homerun” all you had to do was hit it on top of the net. Kids just don’t understand.

These seats reserved for Oscar the Grouch, Duke the Dumpster and that band with that song “stupid girl.”

Chris Carrington said he loved Wichita (mainly because he had to wear a jacket to guard against the chill) but then this happened and he start cussing it. He’s moody.

I lingered here for about 10 minutes waiting for my souvenir homerun ball to land perfectly in my pocket but it didn’t happen. I have two games left to catch the ultimate souvenir and I can already feel the tears forming.

At least I have this. Here’s me and Spinner, he’s a giant squirrel. There was also some light green snot ghoul who made a brief appearance and kids had to have a bag full of garbage to meet him. That sentence is 100% real.

Hey Wichita – GREAT JOB GUYS.

Mo B. Dick – Intercourse The best worst song – @crappington

One of things I was dreading/most looking forward to on this trip was listening Mo B. Dick’s Gangsta Harmony.  Every time a No Limit song called for a crappy R&B chorus, Mo B. Dick would show up and just kind of spill pretty generic late 90′s slow jams over the track.  There usually wasn’t anything to get excited about or really to hate.  I figured this is exactly what his album would be like, and nothing on it really changed my mind.  Except for one song.  Intercourse.  I present to you below the lyrics to the song with my commentary in italics.

I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do
Yeah, I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do

Well this just gets right to the point doesn’t it?  Even in 2000 a year after Intercourse’s release, society was barely only able to tolerate the Bloodhound Gang doing it like mammals.  I am impressed that we were able to all hold it together when this came out.

Let’s get buck naked baby
And make love like you never done before
Let’s do each other like dogs do each other
You know how I like it baby
Turn around and let me hit it from the back

I guess this is pretty standard rap talk, but like 90% of the other artists at least try to make it funny or a little more tactful.  Mo B. Dick just amped up the piano licks and went all out
Let me slide it around
I wanna see your pretty brown rump
Just go up and down, ohhhhh

For my sanity, please no one ever define any of this for me.  I need some things to be a mystery
I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do
I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do
I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do

Kind of disappointed this chorus wasn’t heightened.  I was hoping for something about BDSM and a line like “Do the thing that legally registered sex offenders do”

Just because it’s two o’clock, don’t mean that we gotta stop
So baby let’s continue, cause I’m so deep up in you
Just because it’s two o’clock, don’t mean that we gotta stop
So baby let’s continue, cause I’m so deep up in you

Wait why do they have to stop at 2?  Is it 2am and the bar is closing?  Is it 2pm and Mo’s lunch break is over?  Either way it seems like he could have timed this interaction a lot better.  Mo needs to work on his  sexual time management.

Girl it’s ok the way you ride this smooth
They way you go front, back, side to side
Doin freaky things as we bump and grind
Throw your legs up in the air
Do it to each other like we just don’t care
Come on baby, I’m hard as a rock
Uh, ah, baby don’t stop, no

Oh, I guess that second  to last line shows that this song is all about the love of Mo’s life.

The Kansas City Royals via Photographs – @ChrisTrew

I’m a KC fan. Been here a handful of times, my favorite BBQ in the world is here and this park is super fun. Let’s put our crown on and march inside!

Hall of? Hall of WHAT? Hall of Halls Medicine? Hall of Terror? Hall of 1985? WHAT IS IT…

Judging by this crazy man’s getup, it’s clearly a Hall of Fame. We spent 30 minutes in here that felt like 5 and that could have been 300. Super awesome, even though this man is there when you first walk in and he’s really aggressive. I would be to if I was a baseball player from the early 1900′s who stuck in 2012, I guess.

The Indianapolis Clowns?!? What, did the catchers paint big mouths around their own little mouths? Did the first base coach make first basement smell the flower on his uniform? I have to stop myself.

Garth Brooks is from Kansas City, Kansas but Chris Gains is from Kansas City, Missouri so this makes sense. (credit: Chris Carrington)

This is the gift that France sent over to Kansas City after the war and Kansas City became cowtown.

A kid was walking by this and the man who’s life is defined by nobody ever touching this said, “no touching, please don’t touch” and the kid’s dad was a cool dad and a little like whatever so he said something like “maybe next time, son” and the man who’s life is defined by nobody ever touching this said “no touching EVER”. I was there to remember the whole thing.

Pattern broken.

Pattern restored and heightened!

This guy worked at the team shop. He was not helpful but he’s probably be cool to party with.

This is where we were for the last inning because…

WHOA!!!! YOU GO GIRL! THANKS KC!

The St. Louis Cardinals via Photographs – @ChrisTrew

I’ve been to St. Louis many times before but never to Busch Stadium! I am tickled. Let’s cover our armpits and scoot inside.

These guys have been pretty successful and man do they remind you about it at every turn. I suppose that’s what you should do. I still have my High School Talent Show certificate framed in my office and my hallways and my bathroom and my master bedroom. Also, I made copies of my High School Talent Show certificate. Second place.

This is the actual World Series trophy which is a pretty big deal. These dumb kids in front of it don’t understand how big of a deal it is. These kids don’t know anything. They were saying dumb stuff and they clearly didn’t choose their outfits. I followed them to their seats and they just wouldn’t shutup about things that just don’t matter at all in the long run. 

Here is where all the St. Louis Cardinal wives bring their fruits, vegetables and fridge magnets to sell to baseball fans. All the good stuff is gone by the 2nd inning though.

Excellent pattern work by Chris Carrington.

These should be at every sports arena so that assholes can make the same jokes about getting their friend a build-a-bear and then one day a man will reveal that he has actually build his own bear and he thoroughly enjoyed the entire process mainly the customization options they give you and he truly actually loves that bear he built.

Jokes over. Beautiful baseball park. I’d go back. Only thing that would make it better is the Arch coming out of center field but yeah, I know.

Nashville Round Up

This is a round up of everything we did in Nashville:

Chris Carrington broke down Kane and Abel and Mean Green: Mean Greens, Cornbread, & Cabbage

Chris Trew wrote a Dear John letter to Full Blooded: Dear Full Blooded

Carrington and Trew breakdown Nashville and have an explosive disagreement: Podcast Episode 2 – Nashville

Chris Trew took a bunch of dang pictures at Greer Stadium: The Nashville Sounds Via Photographs

The secret real reason for the trip, What did Platinum Diamonds eat: Nashville Food

Mean Greens, Cornbread & Cabbage – @Crappington

The first album we listened to on the way to Nashville was Kane and Abel’s “Am I My Brother’s Keeper.”  This is an album that I don’t remember to well.  The only thing that stuck with me was that I wasn’t a huge fan of Kane and Abel.  This go round showed me why I don’t remember it.  Kane and Abel are kind of boring.  They don’t really have cool choruses.  The twin rapping thing isn’t really a fun gimmick because it just means that most of the time they rap in unison, but 90% of No Limit songs are overdubbed.  Also in retrospect it is hard to really get in to the album when I know that these guys went to jail for 3 years for refusing to work with prosecutors to bring down a drug kingpin who was accused of murder.

All that being said though, I love the song Greens, Cornebread, & Cabbage.  It has a super fun chorus, a still kind of engaged Master P guesting and a pretty neat beat that kind of feels like springs or worms or something.

The second album we listened to was the Mean Green Compilation.  I also didn’t remember this one, but Trew assured me that it was one of the better ones.  I totally agree after this go through.  I liked that each song had a different set of artists so it never got stale.  It kicked off with a really badass MAC and Fiend Duet.  These are two of the most solid No Limit rappers and I really felt like they nailed it.
The highlight of the album is Mystikal song called “Thats the Nigga.”  This song is just straight up full on crazy.  There are no other guest stars and it contains some awesome lines like:

I throw em off, I’m two scoops for coo coo
I swoosh through your froot loops, poo poo in your fubu
That’s right Mystikal is saying that he is going to come to your house, knock over your froot loops, and shit on your clothes.  But he isn’t done because once he is in your house he is also going to:

Stop your water turn off your gas cut off your lights
Move you out, cut your grass, watch your kids, fuck your wife

And if he hadn’t already ruined your life enough Mystikal is also wants you to know this about him:

I’m the thief in the night that slide your drawers off ya
It sucks that Mystikal has to ruin your life, but at least he left you such a cool song to remember it by.

The Nashville Sounds via Photographs – @ChrisTrew

My first time in Nashville! Lots to see and do but here is the main event, an evening with the Nashville Sounds. Here’s dem photographs of that there park.

 

 

Chris Carrington insisted on making the same sad face he made with a similar trinket in Memphis and I insisted on calling out the game. Your move, Carrington.

 

This man was facing the wrong way during most of the game and I didn’t have the heart to tell him.

 

The lady selling Funnel Cakes had them in a plastic tub and this station was empty. Just a pile of oils hanging out. Did the lady selling cakes work for the team? Who let her in? Are these Funnel Cakes sanctioned? I do not want to eat these Funnel Cakes.

 

 

If you listened to our podcast you know these kids were being real racist and I called them out. Immediately afterwards a homerun was blasted over the center field wall. As we learned in Memphis, I have powers.

 

Not sure why these are bear paws and not music notes but there ya go. Maybe an actual bear stepped in actual paint and walked through the park in a straight line? Probably.

 

I vote Thumbs Up on the guitar scoreboard. If you’re in Nashville you gotta do this. There’s probably some sort of cactus screen in Phoenix and there’s probably some sort of traffic jam bleacher area in Atlanta. Carrington said he’d feel better about this if the guitar was turned upright and there was a video screen on it.