Tag Archives: kansas city

Lil’ Soliders vs Snoop Dogg: A Tale of the Tape – @crappington

In Kansas the City, we listened to Lil’ Soldiers – Boot Camp.  This was one of only 3 No Limit albums I owned.  In Kansas the State, we listened to Snoop Dogg – Da Game Is To Be Sold, Not To Be Told.  One of 1000 No Limit albums that Chris Trew owned.  On the face of it, these two albums don’t seem to have a lot in common, but they have always been linked in my mind as the two novelty No Limit albums.  Now it is time to scientifically break them down and determine which is the better.

Release Date

Snoop Dogg: August 4, 1998

Lil’ Soldiers: April 27, 1999

Breakdown:  Da Game was released first and was the third album released by one of rap’s biggest names.  Boot Camp came out later and was produced by Adults who by that time had made probably 250 albums.

Winner:

The Adults should have known better.

Number of Tracks

Snoop Dogg: 21

Lil’ Soldiers: 17

Breakdown: 16 of the 21 tracks on Da Game featured other No Limit artists.  Da Game also featured two sequel tracks to more famous early Snoop songs: “Still a G Thang” and “Gin and Juice II” (wikipedia’s notes on the album says Gin and Juice II tends to be a sequel.).  Boot Camp only had 6 songs with other No Limit artists.  The also decided not to create sequels to any classic rap songs.

Winner:

For No Limit, quantity never equaled quality.  Plus, fuck you Snoop for tarnishing the memory of some of my favorite songs in your catalog.

Best Track

Snoop Dogg: Woof

Lil’ Soldiers: School on Lock

Breakdown: Woof freatured Fiend and Mystkal (two of my favorites).  The chorus was : Woof Motherfucker Woof.  Bow Wow Wow Yippie Oh Yippie Ay.  It is also the best example of how Snoops real laid back flow could contrast really well with the more aggro No Limit Rappers.  It also ends with 45 seconds of Bow Wow Wow Yippie Oh Yippie Ays while someone just mutters bitch in the background.  School on Lock doesn’t have any guests.  However it does contain what sounds like the lines: “We be gettin’ snacks while ya’ll are sayin’ jack” and “Meanwhile all the kids in my grade drink lemonade”.  The song also ends with them arguing which grade has the school on lock.  One of the Lil’ soldiers presents a pretty strong case for his grade having the school on lock because, “Our tests are harder than your’s/Our girls are bigger than your’s.”

Winner:

Seriously Snoop! Bow Wow Wow Yippie Oh Yippie Ay!  You had only made 2 albums before this.  You can’t already be out of ideas this early in the game.

Album Art Work

Snoop Dogg:

Lil’ Soldiers:

Breakdown: Da Game is Pen and Pixel art at its best.  Snoop sitting on a throne in front of a giant mansion with his name on it!  Seriously look at that mansion.  It has a rotunda as the entrance.  He also has 2 dogs.  One is clearly a danger because he has to be muzzled even sitting in the front yard, but Snoop rolls so deep even that muzzle is diamond studded.  These things are the definition of having fat stacks.  Boot Camp has a cool action figure/toy theme going on.  I love the bad ass dollar store dinosaur that is trying to take a bite out of the soldiers.  Good thing that Soldier has a nerf sucker dart to defend himself!

Winner:

Seriously, look at that damn thing. He has a diamond studded cane made of gold!

Wikipedia Article Word Count

Snoop Dogg: 994

Lil’ Soldiers: 202

Breakdown.  Everything comes down to the final category and this one is a straight numbers game.  The Snoop article is way more in depth.  You can learn who produced each track, who wrote each track, or which songs were singles.  The Lil’ Soldiers article just has a brief history of how the soldiers released this one album and then disappeared and a track list.  You can also find out that Boot Camp hit 80 on the Billboard R&B chart.  Pretty good for some kids.

Winner:

Seriously no one should spend 1000 words on Da Game.  It is the shittiest album. The album marked the decline of No Limit and the tarnishing of one of raps early greats (Also, thanks Snoop for taking a dump on all those classic hits!) .  So in a stunning 3 – 2 victory, Platinum Diamonds crowns Lil’ Soldiers – Boot Camp as the best of all the No Limit novelty albums

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Mo B. Dick – Intercourse The best worst song – @crappington

One of things I was dreading/most looking forward to on this trip was listening Mo B. Dick’s Gangsta Harmony.  Every time a No Limit song called for a crappy R&B chorus, Mo B. Dick would show up and just kind of spill pretty generic late 90’s slow jams over the track.  There usually wasn’t anything to get excited about or really to hate.  I figured this is exactly what his album would be like, and nothing on it really changed my mind.  Except for one song.  Intercourse.  I present to you below the lyrics to the song with my commentary in italics.

I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do
Yeah, I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do

Well this just gets right to the point doesn’t it?  Even in 2000 a year after Intercourse’s release, society was barely only able to tolerate the Bloodhound Gang doing it like mammals.  I am impressed that we were able to all hold it together when this came out.

Let’s get buck naked baby
And make love like you never done before
Let’s do each other like dogs do each other
You know how I like it baby
Turn around and let me hit it from the back

I guess this is pretty standard rap talk, but like 90% of the other artists at least try to make it funny or a little more tactful.  Mo B. Dick just amped up the piano licks and went all out
Let me slide it around
I wanna see your pretty brown rump
Just go up and down, ohhhhh

For my sanity, please no one ever define any of this for me.  I need some things to be a mystery
I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do
I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do
I just wanna fuck with you
Do the thing that porn stars do

Kind of disappointed this chorus wasn’t heightened.  I was hoping for something about BDSM and a line like “Do the thing that legally registered sex offenders do”

Just because it’s two o’clock, don’t mean that we gotta stop
So baby let’s continue, cause I’m so deep up in you
Just because it’s two o’clock, don’t mean that we gotta stop
So baby let’s continue, cause I’m so deep up in you

Wait why do they have to stop at 2?  Is it 2am and the bar is closing?  Is it 2pm and Mo’s lunch break is over?  Either way it seems like he could have timed this interaction a lot better.  Mo needs to work on his  sexual time management.

Girl it’s ok the way you ride this smooth
They way you go front, back, side to side
Doin freaky things as we bump and grind
Throw your legs up in the air
Do it to each other like we just don’t care
Come on baby, I’m hard as a rock
Uh, ah, baby don’t stop, no

Oh, I guess that second  to last line shows that this song is all about the love of Mo’s life.

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The Kansas City Royals via Photographs – @ChrisTrew

I’m a KC fan. Been here a handful of times, my favorite BBQ in the world is here and this park is super fun. Let’s put our crown on and march inside!

Hall of? Hall of WHAT? Hall of Halls Medicine? Hall of Terror? Hall of 1985? WHAT IS IT…

Judging by this crazy man’s getup, it’s clearly a Hall of Fame. We spent 30 minutes in here that felt like 5 and that could have been 300. Super awesome, even though this man is there when you first walk in and he’s really aggressive. I would be to if I was a baseball player from the early 1900’s who stuck in 2012, I guess.

The Indianapolis Clowns?!? What, did the catchers paint big mouths around their own little mouths? Did the first base coach make first basement smell the flower on his uniform? I have to stop myself.

Garth Brooks is from Kansas City, Kansas but Chris Gains is from Kansas City, Missouri so this makes sense. (credit: Chris Carrington)

This is the gift that France sent over to Kansas City after the war and Kansas City became cowtown.

A kid was walking by this and the man who’s life is defined by nobody ever touching this said, “no touching, please don’t touch” and the kid’s dad was a cool dad and a little like whatever so he said something like “maybe next time, son” and the man who’s life is defined by nobody ever touching this said “no touching EVER”. I was there to remember the whole thing.

Pattern broken.

Pattern restored and heightened!

This guy worked at the team shop. He was not helpful but he’s probably be cool to party with.

This is where we were for the last inning because…

WHOA!!!! YOU GO GIRL! THANKS KC!

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